True Worship

As I mentioned before I have been given the opportunity to be lead worshipper this week at the English service in Lin Nan Church. I was pretty excited about it just because I like to sing and it was a new opportunity. Plus if I'm leading I get to pick out the songs I like! How is that for a Godly reason?? Plus, since I've been praying about Passion coming to Taiwan I've really been reading alot about their perspective on worship and it's pretty inspiring. So as I got ready to go to practice this last Thursday I was looking forward to it. When I left practice 3 hours later I was inwardly screaming "WHY ME???" Once again, a very Godly attitude...
There were a few things that contributed to my descent into a pity party... First, we had never practiced with our piano player before. She's a good player but she hadn't really played this style of music before. Second, we had a new person join us who was a good guitar player (which is something we had specifically prayed for) but I kind of felt like she had a divisive attitude. I don't think she was like that on purpose but she just has that kind of personality. The third thing was that everyone was tired from working all day and tempers were a little short. During practice I felt like I was back in my school teacher days trying to keep one group from wandering off while working with the other group. Most of the time that night was spent trying to get the piano and guitar sorted out which left the singers just sitting around chatting. I think most of them were wondering why they had even come. Eventually it just got so late that I decided to just pray together and send them home even though we hadn't managed to practice all the songs. After practice the new piano player who I had been calling Esther all night informed me that her English name was actually Heidi, which caused me to feel incredibly stupid because I actually met her about a month ago and knew her name was Heidi. Esther was the name of the piano player at the last service. So pretty much the main thought in my head at that point was "i am a complete idiot." Usually I try to take those negative thoughts captive because I know they aren't from God but this time it was just too true. Even now I'm trying to convince myself that it's actually a pretty funny situation.
After that practice I was so full of mixed emotions. The prevailing emotion was annoyance that I had to deal with a new person who in my opinion was causing trouble (or had the potential to) during MY week for leading(Can't you just feel the love of Jesus flowing from my heart??)! Plus i really love the women that are on the worship team and I was worried that this new person would spread those seeds of disunity that we have so far managed to avoid. And I was frustrated because I felt she was steamrolling everyone at practice including my new piano player and so I felt the need to protect them or defend them or something. And on top of all that the music just wasn't coming together. So as I tend to do when there is a particularly stressful situation that I would just rather avoid I started to go into what I like to call "ostrich mode". Those of you who have been reading this blog all along will recognize "ostrich mode" from last year before Sports and English camp. I found myself praying that God would just make it all go away or get it over with quickly and in the least painful way possible. But I knew that I had to deal with this situation so I began praying about my attitude towards this new person, which for me was at the root of all my stress. I like to think that I've made progress in the way I treat people but apparently there is more progress to be made. I was actually really surprised how hard it was for me to overcome my feelings about it all. I felt like I prayed repeatedly about everything I could think of to pray in an honest way before God and I still didn't feel any peace about it. So finally when our next practice on Saturday came around as I was walking to the church from the MRT I just thought "ok God, I don't know how to pray about this any more so just take it!" I knew God could work out something but I just didn't know how.
When I walked into the practice room I felt as though I had walked into a parrallel universe. All the girls were happy and laughing, the 2 musicians were playing together nicely and the spirit in the room was just completely night and day different. And I was instantly humbled for my lack of faith and vision for what God could do. We had a great practice that night and the service this morning went well too. We even still liked each other so much after the whole experience that we decided to meet before church and have breakfast at McDonalds!
So the reason I'm sharing this whole story is that i really feel that God fought for me in this situation. I was really trying to honor him with my attitude and love for others, and controlling my tongue and I was really struggling. But I feel like God overlooked my pride, my lack of faith, my impatience, my worrying and all that other stuff that was crowding peace and joy out of my heart, took the situation out of my hands and worked in a way that was beyond what I could have hoped for. I am overwhelmed by His goodness to me (and the worship team) in this situation, and in all the other great things that happened this week and so I feel that I need to have a record of this moment. Because the next time I'm faced with a challenging situation like this I need to remember God's mercy and "His incomparably great power" that He used in my life.
So, what are the lessons learned this week?
*I'm not as Godly, spiritual, loving, kind and non judgemental as I like to think I am.
*God is still trying to teach me to wait on Him and trust that He is working out everything for His glory. If I could have done that in this situation I would have saved myself alot of stress between Thursday night and Saturday night!
*While I was praying and hoping for "good enough" God was preparing something great. I love that about God!!
*It's a good thing I color my hair because I'm pretty sure I added a few more gray ones in the past 72 hours.
So, that's what happened in my life in the past couple of days. I'm pretty glad this whole week is over because it's been one of those times where it's either something really great happening or something really difficult. I normally like to live my life somewhere in the middle. It's much more comfortable, but I guess not as exciting or as rewarding in the long run.
I wonder what this week will bring...